There were too many moments during our time together when I wished we could have gotten it on video or taken a cute picture of us but now those will be just memories that only US will every truly know and understand. It’s like our little secret with the nature as our witness. From sitting over the lake to watching the stars to the deep talks about life to the unstoppable feelings and emotions we felt to watching over an ocean upside down with the ships a few miles away to laying down on grasses watching the night sky and the planes landing to the crazy things we did and laughed about. It all felt like a fairytale… a dream I will always look back on with a smile on my face, hoping it will put a smile on yours when you remember it too. Because, for once in my life, I am too glad i have spent it with my soulmate..
When I was a kid, I used to laugh at people whenever they say a dog is a man’s best friend. I kept asking why would they be friends with an animal? Animals do not even talk. And dogs, specifically, are very aggressive and scary. I grew up thinking they will bite me if I even get near them.
Until one day, I fell in love. I fell head over heels in love with the cutest but definitely the most fragile puppy I have ever seen. Black and white never looked so beautiful in my life. I named her Chichi.
The day I took her home, she became sick. Days after being with me, she started acting really weird and pooping something greenish and black. I took her to the vet clinic and the veterinarian told me that it is canine distemper. It is what caused Kissy, my first dog’s death. I was so afraid for her because survival rate for her is so low since she has started getting seizures.
When I went home, I kept praying and begging God to let her survive and I promised to take care of her. It was never an easy battle for us. I remember having to wake up every two hours just to force feed her and force her to drink water to keep her hydrated. There were times when she’d just throw up and get seizures. But my tiny chihuahua is a fighter, she eventually survived something that would have taken her away from me so early.
She gets sick yearly, especially that time when she got pregnant and I thought it was her end. But as usual, I got a fighter babe! She survived.
Everytime she gets sick, I get really scared. I am like a mother getting anxious when her child is not feeling well.
But the last time I sent her to the vet before her due date was when I felt a major separation anxiety. It felt like it was the last time I will ever be with her. I kept complaining and ranting on my social media accounts of how much I miss her and of how much I want her back. Until one day, the vet told me that Chichi gave birth to two cute puppies and that they are ready to be picked up. I was so happy that nothing bad happened to her. I wanted to rush to the veterinary clinic and hug her tight. But when I reached the vet clinic, my heart shattered. Chichi got complications and she was having seizures. They were trying to revive her and I was standing right there. Silently praying she’ll survive one more time while helplessly watching her leave me…
That night, I could not even afford to carry her home with me. I lost Chichi and it shattered my world. I did not just lose a pet, it’s more of like I lost my bestfriend… my closest family member… My best friend who has seen me cry myself to sleep when life took away three important people in my life. I lost my best friend who likes licking my feet whenever I feel so down. The only best friend who waits on the front door for me to come home and celebrating like she won billions of dollars whenever she sees me. The best friend who taught me how to unconditionally love someone. The one that showed me what a best friend she truly is.
As much as I hated to admit how she still makes me tear up whenever I remember her, I really do. She still makes me so sad but like Chichi, I will continue to fight and show this world that I am one hell of a soldier. I will keep moving and try to be the bestest friend to anyone the way Chichi has been to me.
All throughout my life, I had met a lot of unfamiliar faces. From people who are really nice to me and are willing to go through the hard times with me to those who only know me when they need something from me. I have loved and I have lost. But I definitely have learned to live and learn from everything. I raised my walls too high so people can stay away from me. They call me, I lock myself up. That is always how it works. They get a little close, I get distant. I fear getting left behind and getting hurt as my heart got broken a few times before. I built these walls to protect myself from getting hurt again, believing that the only person who’s worth it is willing to climb them up just to be with me. Sad thing is, not even one can break them down… Until you…
These walls have been built too high and sturdy for anyone to break, but just one knock at my door, you made it all crash down. And instead of panic and fear, I feel relieved because finally, you’re here. I never asked you to show up at my door but you did. There you were, showering my dark home with your smile brighter than the sun. holding my hand like you won’t ever let it go. We ran away with no plans at all. And for the first time in my sheltered life, I fear nothing. You made me see how wonderful this world is. Of how peaceful it is to just sit on a dock by the lake. My head on your shoulder and your arm wrapped tightly around my waist. Watching the twinkling stars and the night sky. Sometimes talking about life. Ending each other’s sentences. Laughing at our weirdness. Laying on the grass and staring at the world upside down. Looking over the lake with your favorite old songs or your own piano pieces playing on the background. Your wonderful eyes under the moonlight put all the stars to shame. No words were needed to be said as your presence makes me feel contented and safe. I hated smoke but your scent of mixed cigarettes and beer has never been more addicting. I felt invincible with you there. I never felt more alive. If this is home, I would not want to leave it. They told me not to trust anyone but for the first time in my life, I did not care. I did what I want and followed my heart. You gave me the world but like an eclipse, it just disappeared. I am left with nothing but what if’s. So this is me, writing… Trying to put back my broken walls… trying to build it higher and stronger that not even a hurricane can make it crumble. But I guess I do not have to try so hard, right? It is useless. Because after all the shit I have been through, I realized that you are, apparently, my wonderwall… my home…
I like writing letters. Whenever I get mad at someone, I do not tell them. I write everything I am feeling on a piece of paper and pour my heart out without them knowing. It has always been better that way. I hate spreading negativity. But right now, I am not mad or something because hey I pledged to spread nothing but positivity not only here but also on all my social networking accounts right? So, let’s get this started! 😉
-I can’t believe it has almost been a year since you left me shattered and I still wanna cry whenever I remember you. I thought of you last night… Of how time flies. Your two youngest puppies are almost a year old and I can’t help but wish you’re still with us. I can still clearly remember how you died. Of how painful it was to see you being revived by the vets and being so damn helpless with the whole situation. As much as I love you, I know I have to let you go. You are in a better place now Chich. Free from all the pain and sickness. Please kiss Kali and Kisses for me. You are so badly missed. And by just writing this, you made me tear up.. Again. ='( Oh what an irreplaceable dog you are…
-They say there are angels in disguise. This time, you are my angel. You have helped me in taking the first step in reaching my dream of backpacking this world. I will help you reach yours too. I know, someday, this will all pay off. Thank you for being such a kind person and for restoring my faith in humanity.
-People come and go. You were one of those people. It has hurt me that you broke your promise of being friends whatever the weather. Well, promises are not always sincere, are they? I am still keeping mine. I value friendships so much. This is why Every time I see you on my feed, I still wish you nothing but happiness. I hope you get everything you want. I always pray for you.
-You took me to the lake and the sea… Only to get drowned… But if I have to do it again… I will do it… again and again
-I always pray that you will stop thinking about what you want. That you have to stop pressuring me with what you want me to be. I am done letting people write my story for me. We only have one life right? Please let me live mine.
-I guess it has been a year or more since the last time we’ve seen each other. Gosh, I miss your company so much but I am so proud and happy that you are going after what you want and that you are finally doing too well on your football games. You know I’d watch your games no matter how boring they are as long as you’d feed me pizza! hehe
-Well I guess I have reached the point where you would stop talking to me. TOo bad I still wanna get a taste of your version of Lasagna and Spaghetti.
-I cannot wait for the day when you will have to move back home. I miss my bestfriend so much. I still dream of that day when we’d talk about our lives over ice cream and take crazy but cute videos and photos together. And why would you come home when I’m out of the countyr? 😦 timing sucks.
-I cannot believe we would actually be friends after our A Journey of Music play. We never really talked that much during our rehearsals. We only got close during the day of the play itself. I am happy we still keep in touch after that musical play and that we have that one connection that binds us… Music… You’re rare. 🙂
-Do not hate yourself for whatever you are going through right now. Life is a bitch but you know I will always be here for you right? and that I will always throw you a life vest when you feel like drowning. Got your back for always. =)
Do you ever get that feeling or the urge to write something even if you are researching for something important? It’s like your brain wants you to write when it really doesn’t know what to post. I am feeling it at the moment. My mind made me open my blog and write something… Anything that my brain says… And right now, all you read is my brain functioning so fast I might edit this later cause I am not really sure if I am typing it all right. It’s like the words are passing through my brain in the speed of light. Crazy. I am usually a quiet person who finds it hard to just share whatever it is I am thinking. I usually can’t put my thoughts into words perfectly. They always end up being said into something basic. I am a deep thinker yet I wish I can share whatever it is I am thinking all the time. Especially the positive thoughts.
Anyway, what should I write? I am quite sure this is going to end up as a non sense post. Because I keep blabbering. This post’s title will probably be, what comes to mind when you just feel like posting something but can’t think of something sensible enough to write. hehe oh well, enough of this… Maybe I just need to concentrate more so I can write something sensible. Dear brain, please function properly…
I was assigned to work on our itinerary for our upcoming Dubai trip. At first, I was so excited to do it only to realize that it is quite difficult for a spontaneous kind of girl to plan. lol I know nothing much about Dubai that is why I am doing a research to check out the places that MUST be visited. I kind of don’t like planning because I like getting lost and finding unexpected places that a lot of tourists don’t see. It feels like I have a secret with the country. But isn’t it crazy how I am searching for restaurants where they serve the best food? LOL Oh and of course, never forget Shake Shack burgers!!! Well my bestfriend is not a huge fan of burgers but she can’t stop talking about Shake Shack so THIS IS ME PROMISING TO NEVER LEAVE DUBAI WITHOUT HAVING A TASTE OF MY BEST FRIEND’S IDEA OF BEST BURGERS. hehe But then again, I have to do lots of Cardio so I can burn out some cholesterol (really, cholesterol, because I do not want to lose weight) before flying to the wonderful United Arab Emirates.
Anyway, back to our itinerary, we’re planning to visit Burj Khalifa, Burj Al Arab, IBN Battuta Mall, Skiing inside the mall, Desert Safari, Souk Madinat, Jumeirah Beach, Skiing inside the mall, Ferrari World in Abu Dhabi. Anyone here who can suggest more places to see in Dubai and Abu Dhabi? By the way, we are planning to visit Oman for a day or two but the problem is, we’re not sure if we still need to get a visa back to Dubai after visiting Oman. Anyone who can help us figure it out?
Oh well, enough blogging. I got to finish this itinerary and will blog about the trip soon! Laters! 😉
1. If your friend was cheating on their spouse, do you think you should tell their partner?
-I’m not in the right position to divulge it to the partner but I would talk to my friend and let him/her know that what s/he’s doing is not right and s/he needs to stop acting like an immature kid and just stop cheating if not, tell him/her that s/he needs to tell his/her partner, give my friend an ultimatum or else I, myself, will tell the spouse.
2. Do you prefer to travel or stay close to home?
–I prefer to travel. I like the adventure. =)
3. What’s the worst thing you can say on a first date?
–I break people’s hearts.
4. Do you prefer talking over the phone or face to face?
–depends on the person. Face to face with people I am close with but I am always too shy over the phone. lol
5. If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?
–Set up businesses and travel the world the way I want to.
6. Do you have any pets?
–four adorable dogs. =)
7. What is your favorite smell?
–mixed smell of beer and cigarettes. and the sweet smell of my hair treatment cream. Oh and Pizzzzza!
8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
–I am currently addicted to ube pastillas and cookie dough ice cream. But I love any ice cream flavor.
9. Where did you grow up?
–born and raised in Pampanga, Philippines
10. Would you rather go without junk food for a year or go without TV for a year?
–Believe it or not, I can live without TV nor junkies. hehe I don’t really watch TV and I am not a huge fan of junk foods. 😉
11. What is your biggest concern about the future?
–Having to face this world without all those who were a part of my childhood.
12. What do you like to do on a rainy day?
-eat, snuggle on my comforter and sleep while watching a movie perhaps.
13. If you could meet anybody in history, past or present, who would it be?
–Jesus Christ, Pope Francis, Pope John Paul, Dalai Lama, Adam Levine
14. What’s the first thing you notice about a guy?
–I’m not sure. Maybe the eyes??
15. If you could give one piece of advice to the whole world, what would it be?
–Be kind and forgive people even if they are not sorry. No one knows what someone is going through or the real reason why someone did something terrible to you. We deal with different circumstances, and you just have to understand that people make mistakes and all you need to do is forgive them and wish them well for your own heart’s peace.
16. What is something that makes you smile?
–happy memories, sky, stars, clouds, smell of rain
17. What do you miss most about being a kid?
–getting to do whatever I want without thinking of the future.
18. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
19. Is it harder to exercise more or eat healthier?
20. Describe your perfect day.
–Quietly staring at the sky or stargazing while contemplating about life and realizing how blessed I am to even exist.
I love the sky. Everything about it.
The flock of birds flying before sunset
the rays of the sun
the airplanes passing by
the way the clouds roll in before it starts raining
the droplets of rain after months of drought
the wonderful sight of a rainbow that makes the sky extra interesting
the twinkling stars in the darkness of night.
When life gets frustrating and I need to calm myself,
I would look up. I would stare at the clouds
I would appreciate how they form into different shapes
and how hard they resist to be even blown by the wind.
Everything about the sky fascinates me. The sky is my home.
It makes me smile
As it takes all my worries away.
but then I came across the ocean
the wonderful horizon that eats up the sun
the depth that easily became one of my fears
the killer sharks and mermaid tales
the waves that can eat you up.
The ocean is dangerous and scary.
Once I jump off the cliff, I know there is no turning back.
It is either you drown or you swim against the waves
I jumped anyway without any assurance that the fall would be worth it
I fell staring up to the sky
The fall was wonderful, exhilirating even
unfamiliar but it feels like home
Well, it is home cause no matter how hazardous it is to jump off a cliff
I felt completely safe
I never felt happier
Do you know the feeling of flying on earth happy?
That is how I felt. No matter how weird that sounded
I was so focused into my own world that I did not know the fall was so short
I fell… Hard… into the ocean
Or it’s more of I flew… I flew in love
But for the first time in my life
I can completely say that the fall was worth it.
And if there is a chance to do it for the second time
I will do it
I run. That is what I do best. The second I start getting too close to someone, I run away. I have even built walls to keep people at a distance. To protect myself from misery. But getting through my wall is what makes me run fast and far. I have this irrational fear of getting too close to someone because I believe that everyone has the capacity to hurt you, but it’s the people you love that can crash you the most. I hate getting hurt. I hate crying. I hate getting left out. I hate feeling weak. I like to believe I am invincible. That nothing can break me apart. But life does not work that way, does it? The higher you stand, the harder it will push you down. The louder you laugh, the harder it will make you cry. You come near me, I leave. You step a little closer, I run so far. Finding a home in something unfamiliar terrifies me so I keep my distance. I run, you run with me. I push you away but you are very determined to stand up and run with me. Well, if you want to get lost, follow me. I’d like to think you are here for all the wrong reasons but I cannot keep denying the fact that you are apparently here for the right ones. But if you are too tired to run with me, just wait… because no matter what happens, I will always run home.
It’s a really nice thing that I actually don’t have much work to do at night anymore that I finally found time for myself. To just think about life in general. And to write my thoughts out here! (Yay!) Well, here it goes…
I have been thinking of social media the past few hours. People say it connects people from all over the world. It creates bridges. But what they do not really mention is that most of the time, it builds a gap. A great divide. A huge one. I have been using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram for how many years. And as I look back, I realized how much has changed from the very first time I posted up to now. I have seen people fight over petty things on Facebook. I have seen people cuss and rant on Twitter. And definitely saw how people bashed celebrities or even just the people they don’t really like on social networking sites. I am guilty of it. You are guilty of it. We all are.
My posts changed for the better ever since I challenged myself to become a better person and to spread positivities instead of negativities. I realized that being hateful and angry won’t do me good. That getting upset won’t even take me places.
So, this is me, taking a step. making a start. Encouraging and challenging you to think before you click. To pause before you post. And to make a difference. Turn your rants into something that may brighten up someone’s day. Be kind. Let others get infected with optimism. Opt to make someone smile every day and inspire others to do the same. =)