I know you are reading this because you are one of those people who, sometimes, out of nowhere, just feel lost and confused. Like you feel very unaccomplished especially when you meet people who seem like they got everything figured out. Dear confused fellow, you are not alone. This is me welcoming you to the quarter life crisis. Yes, I may always be positive with all my posts on my social media accounts but there are times when, out of the blue, I just ask myself “what the hell am I doing with my life?”
When I was a kid, I see myself having a million savings in my bank account at the age of 25, working in an office, going to places I dreamt of visiting and probably starting to buy my own flat. I remember how I could not wait to grow up and be independent. Several years later, I am no longer that kid who dreams… I am now this lady who is trying to find her place in this world.
I was once this teenager who gave up her social life for the sake of being “successful”. I was lucky enough to meet friends who always understand when I decline their party invites because school was more important. (I am not saying it is not but I wished I knew how to balance it.) Every day, I come to school with less than two hours of sleep just because I had to review all night. So many times, I cry because what I am studying is already too much for me but I have no choice but to review some more… Even if it is already frustrating me. And sometimes, I fail my tests because everything I reviewed got jumbled up inside my head and I got confused. Yes, I was in the Dean’s list but I was miserable. Do I enjoy what I do? No. Am I living life? No. I merely exist. I was so focused on making society happy with my achievements that I forgot how to make my own self happy.
After graduation I could not figure out what I wanted anymore. I needed a break for a year to figure out what I really wanted. What my heart really wanted. No matter how perfect of a student I was, I have been rejected too many times when I started looking for a job. So many times I come home feeling defeated. So ready to give up. I even doubted my dear self when everyone around me started questioning me too. But it is these rejections and questions that brought me to what I have right now. It may not seem to be so much for a twenty five year old me, but it is enough. It makes me so happy. And happiness is all that matters, isn’t it? Today, I have a job I love and I am doing something I love. Something that makes my heart full and more than grateful because I meet people who inspire me to be thankful not only for the big things but also for the smallest of things that come my way. Ever since I found my online job a few months back, I thought I am giving different people who have rare and incurable diseases hope. But as time passes by, I realized that they are the ones who give me so much hope and strength. They remind me to keep going no matter how impossible things seem. I am more than happy to have a job that inspires me to move forward. I meet patients who are always ready to face extractions, pains and there are also these patients who live their life normally while they patiently wait for companies and researchers to announce that their illness has finally a cure.
Young fellow, like them, believe that someday, somehow, things will turn out well for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. A lot of young adults go through this phase too but some of them choose to bravely do what society disapproves of. Don’t worry, you are still young. Be patient. Things will fall into place not the way you expected it to but the way you have always wanted. Someday, we don’t have to ask ourselves that “question” anymore. Believe that you will have it all figured out. BECAUSE YOU WILL. We will no longer exist because we will LIVE. We will live life to the fullest because when the stars align, things will just workout, whether we’re ready for it or not. Things will always workout. And we will dance and celebrate life because we’re finally doing something that will surely plaster a huge smile on our faces no matter how small it is. Keep living. We will all get there.
Go out there and try out new things. Know your heart’s desires and chase after them. YOU CAN DO IT!
Someone who still can’t figure it all out