Tag Archives: non fiction

You Are Worth It

Have you ever walked on your own and found the beauty of it?  Have you ever walked so slow and learned to appreciate the trees around you, the soft wind that’s kissing your cheeks? Have you ever looked up at the sky and got so grateful for the peace it brings? Have you ever seen yourself run because it started raining so hard then you decided to start dancing in the rain instead because that is a lot more fun? Have you ever found yourself getting amazed at how the rainbow paints the sky extra colorful after the rain? Have you ever found yourself scared of the dark but when you look up, you see that there is nothing to fear because the twinkling stars can guide your way?

All these things bring happiness to my life no matter how little. You give me that beautiful feeling I always crave when walking alone. You are the comfortable silence that I will always yearn for. You are the tree that I will always take a time out to notice and appreciate. You are the wind that helps me feel less tired from walking. You are my own sky that brings so much peace by just thinking about you. You were what made me stop running whenever I feel even just a drop of rain on my skin. You are my rainbow that makes my already interesting sky extra interesting and colorful. You are the twinkling stars that made me not fear the darkness. You are the road that makes me wanna go on and wander no matter how scary this unknown path is. 

It has been two months since I decided to choose this road bravely, not knowing what’s in store for me. Will there be snakes in between my walks? Will it be a rough road or a smooth one? This road is not like the other roads. It, probably, is more bumpy and rough. It won’t always be sunny, there may even be storms or hurricanes that will make me wanna give up but if it is what makes you the happiest, I guess you can always conquer whatever it is… right? It seems like I still have to walk a very loooooong way and despite my impatient self, I find myself enjoying the view, the walk, and everything in it – just because the road is taking me to you. You are worth it.

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Wonderwall

All throughout my life, I had met a lot of unfamiliar faces. From people who are really nice to me and are willing to go through the hard times with me to those who only know me when they need something from me. I have loved and I have lost. But I definitely have learned to live and learn from everything. I raised my walls too high so people can stay away from me. They call me, I lock myself up. That is always how it works. They get a little close, I get distant. I fear getting left behind and getting hurt as my heart got broken a few times before. I built these walls to protect myself from getting hurt again, believing that the only person who’s worth it is willing to climb them up just to be with me. Sad thing is, not even one can break them down… Until you…

These walls have been built too high and sturdy for anyone to break, but just one knock at my door, you made it all crash down. And instead of panic and fear, I feel relieved because finally, you’re here. I never asked you to show up at my door but you did. There you were, showering my dark home with your smile brighter than the sun. holding my hand like you won’t ever let it go. We ran away with no plans at all. And for the first time in my sheltered life, I fear nothing. You made me see how wonderful this world is. Of how peaceful it is to just sit on a dock by the lake. My head on your shoulder and your arm wrapped tightly around my waist. Watching the twinkling stars and the night sky. Sometimes talking about life. Ending each other’s sentences. Laughing at our weirdness. Laying on the grass and staring at the world upside down. Looking over the lake with your favorite old songs or your own piano pieces playing on the background. Your wonderful eyes under the moonlight put all the stars to shame. No words were needed to be said as your presence makes me feel contented and safe. I hated smoke but your scent of mixed cigarettes and beer has never been more addicting. I felt invincible with you there. I never felt more alive. If this is home, I would not want to leave it. They told me not to trust anyone but for the first time in my life, I did not care. I did what I want and followed my heart. You gave me the world but like an eclipse, it just disappeared. I am left with nothing but what if’s. So this is me, writing… Trying to put back my broken walls… trying to build it higher and stronger that not even a hurricane can make it crumble. But I guess I do not have to try so hard, right? It is useless. Because after all the shit I have been through, I realized that you are, apparently, my wonderwall… my home…

Midnight thoughts

I run. That is what I do best. The second I start getting too close to someone, I run away. I have even built walls to keep people at a distance. To protect myself from misery. But getting through my wall is what makes me run fast and far. I have this irrational fear of getting too close to someone because I believe that everyone has the capacity to hurt you, but it’s the people you love that can crash you the most. I hate getting hurt. I hate crying. I hate getting left out. I hate feeling weak. I like to believe I am invincible. That nothing can break me apart. But life does not work that way, does it? The higher you stand, the harder it will push you down. The louder you laugh, the harder it will make you cry. You come near me, I leave. You step a little closer, I run so far. Finding a home in something unfamiliar terrifies me so I keep my distance. I run, you run with me. I push you away but you are very determined to stand up and run with me. Well, if you want to get lost, follow me. I’d like to think you are here for all the wrong reasons but I cannot keep denying the fact that you are apparently here for the right ones. But if you are too tired to run with me, just wait… because no matter what happens, I will always run home.