Tag Archives: randomthoughts

Wonderwall

All throughout my life, I had met a lot of unfamiliar faces. From people who are really nice to me and are willing to go through the hard times with me to those who only know me when they need something from me. I have loved and I have lost. But I definitely have learned to live and learn from everything. I raised my walls too high so people can stay away from me. They call me, I lock myself up. That is always how it works. They get a little close, I get distant. I fear getting left behind and getting hurt as my heart got broken a few times before. I built these walls to protect myself from getting hurt again, believing that the only person who’s worth it is willing to climb them up just to be with me. Sad thing is, not even one can break them down… Until you…

These walls have been built too high and sturdy for anyone to break, but just one knock at my door, you made it all crash down. And instead of panic and fear, I feel relieved because finally, you’re here. I never asked you to show up at my door but you did. There you were, showering my dark home with your smile brighter than the sun. holding my hand like you won’t ever let it go. We ran away with no plans at all. And for the first time in my sheltered life, I fear nothing. You made me see how wonderful this world is. Of how peaceful it is to just sit on a dock by the lake. My head on your shoulder and your arm wrapped tightly around my waist. Watching the twinkling stars and the night sky. Sometimes talking about life. Ending each other’s sentences. Laughing at our weirdness. Laying on the grass and staring at the world upside down. Looking over the lake with your favorite old songs or your own piano pieces playing on the background. Your wonderful eyes under the moonlight put all the stars to shame. No words were needed to be said as your presence makes me feel contented and safe. I hated smoke but your scent of mixed cigarettes and beer has never been more addicting. I felt invincible with you there. I never felt more alive. If this is home, I would not want to leave it. They told me not to trust anyone but for the first time in my life, I did not care. I did what I want and followed my heart. You gave me the world but like an eclipse, it just disappeared. I am left with nothing but what if’s. So this is me, writing… Trying to put back my broken walls… trying to build it higher and stronger that not even a hurricane can make it crumble. But I guess I do not have to try so hard, right? It is useless. Because after all the shit I have been through, I realized that you are, apparently, my wonderwall… my home…

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The Fall

I love the sky. Everything about it.

The flock of birds flying before sunset

the rays of the sun

the airplanes passing by

the way the clouds roll in before it starts raining

the droplets of rain after months of drought

the wonderful sight of a rainbow that makes the sky extra interesting

the twinkling stars in the darkness of night.

When life gets frustrating and I need to calm myself,

I would look up. I would stare at the clouds

I would appreciate how they form into different shapes

and how hard they resist to be even blown by the wind.

Everything about the sky fascinates me. The sky is my home.

It makes me smile

As it takes all my worries away.

but then I came across the ocean

the wonderful horizon that eats up the sun

the depth that easily became one of my fears

the killer sharks and mermaid tales

the waves that can eat you up.

The ocean is dangerous and scary.

Once I jump off the cliff, I know there is no turning back.

It is either you drown or you swim against the waves

I jumped anyway without any assurance that the fall would be worth it

I fell staring up to the sky

The fall was wonderful, exhilirating even

unfamiliar but it feels like home

Well, it is home cause no matter how hazardous it is to jump off a cliff

I felt completely safe

I never felt happier

Do you know the feeling of flying on earth happy?

That is how I felt. No matter how weird that sounded

I was so focused into my own world that I did not know the fall was so short

I fell… Hard… into the ocean

Or it’s more of I flew… I flew in love

But for the first time in my life

I can completely say that the fall was worth it.

And if there is a chance to do it for the second time

I will do it

again…

and again…

and again…